Monday, February 13, 2012

Loss of my Innocence

I've been thinking the past few days how now that this is my 4th year of teaching I have lost my innocence. I used to fight for every kid to do well and think that I CAN make a huge difference in every one of my students lives. Now I'm just tired, worn out, burned out, and beaten up 
{by admin., parents, the kids, and the paperwork & bureaucracy involved in teaching.}
I never thought it would happen to me but it did!!! {I was soooooo gullible}
 I miss the glory days of thinking I can do it all when I was fresh out of college.

I've been begging my P to move me out of middle school for the past few weeks.
Teaching 6 different classes is just not for me. Too many kids lacking to motivation to learn,
 too many parents fighting you constantly instead of working with you, 
too much paper work with so many kids. 

I love teaching middle schoolers, and love teaching reading all day but just don't want to teach 6 classes.
It proved to be to much for me emotionally...

I miss having my own class!! One i can have holiday parties with and plan special units for.
I miss having the close bond with the same small group of kids. I hate that my classroom is a train station.

Fortunately, my P is getting the message and is considering to move me next year {possibly to 5th grade}.

I'm hoping the move will get me out of the funk I'm stuck in these days.

Have you ever been in a similar situation? I'd love some advice!


This post is depressing me so let me share something a bit more exciting...

I bought myself a brand spanking new Scotch Personal Laminator, 
Laminating Pouches {a pack of 50}
and a Paper Trimmer/Cutter

I cannot contain my excitement to get these in the mail Monday!!!
I'm a HUGE fan of Amazon Prime :)

The stupid laminating machine at our school is out of order again, and I can't wait to laminate!!!

My husband is always amused that buying things for school and teaching gets me sooooo excited :)

Hope you're Sunday is a Funday!


 

13 comments:

  1. I think how you're feeling is totally understandable! Especially at this time of year. Fingers crossed you get to switch grade levels next year :)

    Umm, I ♥ laminating and I ♥♥♥ Amazon Prime! I am hooked on it :)

    Bonnie
    Living A Wonderful Life

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  2. I see your shift as less a loss of innocence and more moving from idealism to realism. The longer you teach, the less idealistic you are and the more realistic you will become. That is not to say that you will become burnt out and not care, but rather that you will see the limitations of your scope of influence.

    Don't beat yourself up. Everyone has bad days and honestly some school years are bad years (hopefully not every day is bad) but years are different than others.

    To this day, my 9th year of teaching was the worst ever. I was moved from 6th grade to 7th grade SS (not by choice) and I had the same group of delinquents (for lack of a more appropriate description) the last two hours of the day (because I taught one section of reading). I taught a student, whom I consider (still to this day) to have been a sociopath. I remember thinking that it couldn't get any worse than that year (and thankfully it never has).

    What I am trying to say is that every year is fresh start and a new beginning. Last year was the best year I have ever had teaching 7th grade math and I was so sad to see those kids go, because a group like that only comes along once or twice in a career. I was really worried about how I would feel about my students this year, but I really love them. They are much different than last year, but so many of them are so nice and sweet and try so hard.

    Just keep being the best teacher you can be and give it your best effort. You can only teach your students, it's up to them to learn. Sorry if this seems rambly. Hugs and hang in there!

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  3. I just brought myself a new laminator too, my household is amused too at the fact i get super excited about these things. :)

    As for your 'funk' my question is, why can you plan exciting units and holiday parties for your six classes? Excite and motivate them and then you might feel more motivated too??

    Hope you are feeling more inspired soon!!

    Kylie :)

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  4. A personal laminator and trimmer make everything better, don't they?? One perk of teaching is we get to start over every year! Remember, this too shall pass!! And it will!


    Laura
    llmartin305@gmail.com
    Peace, Love, and First Grade

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  5. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my laminator. It is so great!! I love using those laminating pouches too but they get expensive after awhile. There is another brand on amazon that is in a 100 pack for the same price and same quality that I now get. I can't remember the name right now though. I know how you feel-I'm in my 4th year. I don't feel burnt out but somewhat like I've done this and know how to do it...I don't have to learn everything and I'm not as excited anymore. I have a student this year and I feel like she isn't making any progress....and I work with her for 15 minutes before school even starts. We have a frustrating job but hang in there. I hope you'll get a change next year so you can feel fresh and renewed in your teaching!

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  6. Woowoo! I just used my Scholastic points to get myself a laminator. It should be coming soon!!
    ❤Teri

    A Cupcake for the Teacher

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  7. Repeat after me...."Retail therapy, retail therapy, retail therapy"!!!! :)

    Seriously, I'm so sorry you are feeling that way. :(

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  8. I hear you! I'm in my eleventh year, and I TOTALLY feel the same way ... some days ... and then there are those GREAT days that totally make me feel ... GREAT! I have a particularly rough class this year - my biggest challenge yet - so I completely treasure those rare (very rare)GREAT days, and try to forget about the other ones.
    Sidenote: I have the exact same laminator (bought it this summer) and brought it into my class (I already have another one at home ... see - I'm a bigger teacher supply nerd). I let my students do some laminating at school - and they LOVE it as much as I do - it's a good thing, having those kindred spirits.
    Have a GREAT week, Mor! Happy Valentine's Day!!! (btw - totally jealous of the purse!)

    Jen
    Runde's Room

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  9. First off, let me send you some BIG (((((HUGS))))). I totally hear your pain & I only teach Kindergarten. I can't imagine middle school with 6 classes. At my school there is sooooo much emphasis on test scores, paperwork, test scores, and more paperwork all over again. I constantly feel like when the heck am I going to be able to JUST TEACH??! Our principal is very hard on us because were undergoing accreditation. Sometimes I wonder why elementary schools need to be accredited, its just elementary. And the politics, sigh, don't get me started. Our union contract expired and negotiations have been at a standstill. As depressing as it is, I find it comforting to know I'm not alone. Hopefully things look up for the both of us soon.

    Color Me Kinder

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  10. I'm in my 9th year teaching and I think these feelings are part of the journey we're on as teachers. I was so idealistic and enthusiastic my first few years. Then I moved schools, cities, and grade levels. I had a super tough group of kids for two years. I'm just now getting back into being excited about teaching. We face so many challenges in our classroom with our kids and then you throw in all the other crap and it's hard. Hang in there. I think it's great that you're being honest and putting it out there. Blogging is helping me so much with my frustrations and keeping me excited.
    http://mskerriandherkrazykindergarten.blogspot.com

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  11. I echo the comment about realism... Over many years, I've taught everything from 2nd - 12th both public and private, parochial and not. You learn what fits you and where your passions lie (I like middle school, actually). Remember that each year is a new year - a new group of kids can change everything.
    Do you know the serenity prayer?
    God grant me the serenity
    to accept the things I cannot change;
    courage to change the things I can;
    and wisdom to know the difference.

    - Lisa
    a teachers bag of tricks

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  12. I am in my sixth year teaching, and it happens that my fourth year was also my most difficult. I looped with my class from fourth to fifth, which I loved, but I began to discover how limited we are by administration, the department of ed, etc. Since students in the upper grades have standardized tests, we are under a microscope to produce perfect little robots. I had so much I wanted to do for my students but was so held back. There was definitely no room for creativity. The following year I moved down to kindergarten, and it was exactly what I needed. I LOVED teaching again, and am still on that high. Good luck!

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  13. I have one of these too, love it! {and a little jealous that mrs. cupcake purchased with her scholastic points!} Any more news on the move??

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